The Bar Mitzvah that Felt Like a Shiva

 Zachary’s family had hoped to celebrate his bar mitzvah in Israel. Instead, they opted to host local and out-of-town guests in their hometown of Atlanta in July. I had worked with Zachary over Zoom to prepare for his bar mitzvah and was getting ready to travel to Atlanta to officiate his service when I received an email from his mom.

She wrote that Zachary’s uncle (her ex-husband’s brother-in-law) had been visiting his brother in Miami the prior week. They were home at his condo in Surfside when the building collapsed. Both men were unaccounted for and presumed dead.

She said the bar mitzvah would go on as planned, albeit with a very different mood.

I called her right away and offered my deepest sympathies for what the entire family must have been going through at that time. I knew that this would no longer be just another bar mitzvah that I would officiate. I suspected that I would now be called upon in a pastoral role to offer comfort and to try to help the grieving family that had not yet received confirmation of their loved one's death.

Surfside Miami Florida Condo Collapse 2021 (ABC News)

Remembering Dick Lobenthal - A Legend

And the king said to his soldiers, “You well know that a prince, a great man of the Jewish people, has fallen this day" (II Samuel, 2:38).

I took Richard Lobenthal out for breakfast six years ago with the purpose of interviewing him about his life. My editor at The Detroit Jewish News gave me the go-ahead to write an extensive article about Dick's career with the ADL (Anti-Defamation League), which spanned four decades. At that breakfast I took copious notes -- over 10 pages filled with anecdotes from a decades-long mission of fighting hate. Several times over the past 6 years I considered writing that article, but it always felt too soon. I felt that if the article was published, he would soon die. So, I never wrote that article, but I still have the notes and plan to write it this year.

With Dick Lobenthal at the Anti-Defamation League's Centennial Celebration in 2013

I first met Dick Lobenthal at Michigan State University because he was the guy we called whenever there was anti-Semitism on campus or an anti-Israel speaker was coming. I got to know him very well in the summer of 1996 when Daniel Harold and I were his interns at the ADL office in Southfield. After that summer, I returned to MSU to discuss my summer "field experience" with my professor, Michael Schechter. He asked what I thought of my time at the ADL and I said something to the effect of, "This summer I had the honor to get to know a Living Legend."

Watching as Abe Foxman greets Richard Lobenthal at the ADL's Centennial Celebration in Detroit

The last time I saw Dick was when I took him out for lunch before his surgery. He seemed so brave about his prognosis and kept saying that he'd rather talk about me and my family. I honestly didn't think he'd live this long after the surgery, but it shows what a determined fighter he was. Dick's daughter, Lisabeth, asked me to share some stories about this great man at his funeral:

When the Detroit Jewish News emailed me yesterday and asked me to write Dick’s obituary for the paper, I did the normal thing. I went to the Jewish News archives online and did a search for Dick’s name. My eyes got about this big! Dick Lobenthal is mentioned in about 600 different issues of the Detroit Jewish News from the early 1960's to as recently as a couple years ago. Now, that’s pretty impressive considering it means that he’s mentioned in something like 10% of all issues printed during his time here in Metro Detroit.

Now, if you think that’s impressive, consider that, in addition to being quoted in articles – mostly about combating anti-Semitic attacks both locally and abroad – and the mentions about basic ADL business, the vast majority of those mentions are promoting Dick’s speaking engagements. In addition to the radio shows, the phone calls, the letter writing, the op-ed publishing, the advocacy work, the fundraising, the reading and research that he was doing, Dick Lobenthal was doing speaking engagements all the time. Those speaking engagements were not because Dick Lobenthal liked to hear himself talk. They were because he was teaching… he was an educator. He was teaching people to love, not hate. He was preaching tolerance and understanding. And he was indefatigable in this work. Our world, as we all know, is still a very fractured place, BUT, I truly believe the world is a BETTER place because of Dick Lobenthal and the godly work that he did.

In 2005, I invited Dick Lobenthal to speak to students at the University of Michigan Hillel

Two Stories:

It was my Freshman year at Michigan State. Admittedly, I was a naïve, Jewish kid from Metro Detroit who hadn’t been exposed to anything! I went to Hillel Day School, was active in a Synagogue Youth Group, went to Camp Tamarack, etc. Now, here I was an 18-year-old at MSU and now involved with the Jewish Student Union. It seemed like each week that Fall, another Nation of Islam representative, Israel-basher or Holocaust denier was coming to campus. Put simply, there was A LOT of “Hate on campus.” We college kids didn’t know what to do. Do we sit in silently in the audience to witness these speeches? Do we protest? Picket outside? Sit down in the crowd and wait for them to say something offensive and then get up and walk out?

Remembering Shimon Peres - The Coolest Nonagenarian

Back on September 13, 1993 I remember watching the signing of the Oslo Accords on the White House lawn and being in awe of both Yitzhak Rabin and Shimon Peres. These two men, I recall thinking, were the old guard of Israeli statesman. They were fighters on the battlefield helping Israel gain statehood and then spent decades as political and diplomatic leaders as the Jewish state grew. I felt love and deep respect for both men, but there was something about Peres that was different from Rabin in my mind.

Rabin struck me as hard and very guarded. While he was willing to sign the peace accords and shake Arafat's hand, he still seemed hesitant and even distant on that sunny afternoon. Peres on the other hand had a cordial, softer side to him. A warm smile and a gentle demeanor. He reminded me very much of my grandfather. Later in his life, Peres displayed a playful, fun side as well. This was especially true when his term as Israeli President (a mostly honorific position) was about to come to an end. Peres and his staff published a very funny video in which the nonagenarian went looking for a job around Israel:

For me, I really appreciated that Peres was determined to stay in the public eye even after his seven decades in leadership roles for Israel. Despite his advanced age, he took advantage of social media to stay relevant and to connect with the younger generation of Israelis and Diaspora Jews. In 2012, I wrote a blog post about how Peres was looking for Facebook friends.

Honoring Elie Wiesel

Jewish tradition tells us that Joseph, Moses and King David all died on Shabbat. Thus, it should be no surprise that the modern day prophet Elie Wiesel passed away on Shabbat as well. Wiesel, an educator, writer, humanitarian and visionary, died on Shabbat, July 2, 2016. He was the voice of the survivors of the Holocaust, as well as the voice for those who perished in the Shoah.

Like so many, I was fortunate to have the honor of meeting Elie Wiesel and hearing his words of wisdom on several occasions. He was an inspiration to millions around the globe. His books occupy a section of their own in my library because they seem to be their own genre. Wiesel was a leader, but more important he was a voice of reason in our fragile, broken world.

Rather than trying to write a blog post to honor Wiesel, which feels impossible with everything he accomplished in his life and all of the deserving accolades he received, I'd rather share his own words below. What follows is Elie Wiesel's speech upon receiving the Nobel Peace Price in 1996.

In Memory of Alan Weinkrantz

About 5 years ago I was in New York City to speak at a technology conference called #140edu. It was one of Jeff Pulver’s 2-day conferences sort of modeled after the TED Talks. On the evening before the conference was to start, Jeff hosted a meetup for the speakers and select guests. I arrived unfashionably on time and there were only a few others at this trendy NYC bar/lounge. A gentleman named Alan Weinkrantz walked up to me and said, “So, you’re the tech rabbi?” We talked to each other for most of the rest of the evening.

I was intrigued by the work Alan was doing in the tech world – both in the U.S. and in Israel. He tried to convince me to come out to Texas for SXSW later that year (and each year ever since). What I liked most about Alan was that in that first conversation, he seemed to get me. He thought it was just so cool that a rabbi was so entrenched in the technology world. He peppered me with all sorts of questions about how rabbis and other Jewish educators were using social media and mobile apps. He wanted to know which applications I used for Torah text and for reading other Hebrew documents. He asked which social networks I recommended to synagogues and how they should be using them.

At the end of the evening, Alan told me he was creating YouTube videos of all of the speakers at the conference and asked if he could do a video interview of me the next morning. I explained that I was set to speak on the second day of the conference and actually had little idea about what I’d be saying. Somehow he still convinced me to do the interview… and I’m grateful he did.

Alan’s questions – both before he began recording and during the actual interview were essential to helping me construct my talk at the conference. Alan helped me frame my views of technology and social media that would allow me not only to deliver a more thoughtful speech at that conference, but Alan also helped me formulate the basis for my outlook regarding the intersection of Judaism and technology over the past few years.

A friendship with Alan Weinkrantz was formed at that conference in NYC that allowed us both to challenge each other and think deeper about the world of technology, social media and startups -- especially in the Jewish world and in Israel. The best part of meeting Alan for me was that he totally got me. When I explain to some people that I am both a rabbi and a technologist, they just look at me quizzically. Alan, however, just seemed to understand what that entailed and he thought it was so interesting how I managed to intersect those two worlds.

Alan would interview me again a couple years after that initial conference. We were both in Las Vegas for CES and Alan asked if we could meet up so he could ask me some questions about the Israeli startup companies that were exhibiting at CES. It isn't easy finding a mutually convenient time to meet anyone at CES and it isn't very easy to coordinate meeting locations because of the throngs of people in attendance. However, Alan and I were able to find some time (and find each other) so he could interview me for a Times of Israel video series he was doing on technology. It was great to see him and catch up. That was the last time I would see Alan although we corresponded by email and through social networks all the time.

On Saturday night as I was about to go to sleep in a hotel room, I got word of Alan's untimely death. He had been at an outdoor cafe in Tel Aviv (where he was spending more time lately) when a driver had a heart attack and drove full speed into the diners at the cafe. Alan and two others were killed. I immediately went to Alan's social networks to see recent photos of him. It was eerie to see the photo of his final meal that he had posted on Instagram, likely only moments before his demise. A friend of his posted that he had called her to join him for dinner that night, but she said she was too busy. As I perused the early responses on social media from friends who had just heard of Alan's tragic death, I was feeling intense grief, but I was also intrigued by the way we mourned this sudden loss through social media. And then I realized, that this was exactly a discussion that Alan I would have had.

I will forever miss Alan Weinkrantz, a visionary who was so amazed by technology. More than anything, Alan was a mensch. I'm grateful I got to become his friend, even if it was only for a handful of years. Yehi zichrono baruch, may the memory of Alan Weinkrantz be for blessings for all who knew him.

Honoring a Homeless Woman Who Died in a Hit and Run

In Judaism, one of our most important mitzvot (commandments) is what is known in Hebrew as chesed shel emet. Loosely translated as dignity for the deceased, we Jews believe that every human being deserves to be buried back in the earth with respect and honor.

In my twelve years as an ordained rabbi I have had the chance to fulfill this commandment countless times by officiating at funerals. This past week was the most unique funeral I have ever been a part of and it was also one of the most meaningful examples of chesed shel emet.

Over a month ago I received a phone call from a Christian funeral home in Mount Clemens, Michigan. While Mount Clemens had a Jewish community a couple of generations ago, I don't believe there any Jewish people living there now. The funeral director, Michael Kolb, told me that he had an unusual case of a Jewish woman who died and asked if I would officiate at the funeral in Port Huron. I knew this was an odd situation because according to Jewish custom, we bury our deceased immediately after death meaning that most funerals I officiate take place a day or two after I'm called. In this situation, Mr. Kolb asked me if I was available for a funeral a month later.

He then explained the situation to me. It turned out that a homeless woman named Eleanor Denise Smith was killed in a hit and run accident in Port Huron last year. She had identification in her belongings, but without confirmation from a family member, investigators couldn't positively identify her. After someone mentioned that they knew her from San Francisco, a chest X-ray from there was found in late November, providing a positive identification.

Kolb did some research and found that Smith's mother was buried in a Jewish cemetery in Port Huron. Port Huron also once had a small Jewish community, but now there are only a handful of Jews left and the cemetery doesn't even sell burial plots anymore. Kolb wanted to do the right thing and bury Smith beside her mother at the Jewish cemetery in Port Huron.

Before Smith was positively identified as a Jewish woman, her body was given to Kolb's funeral home in January and cremated there. Kolb then launched a GoFundMe fundraising campaign in February to raise the funds to bury Smith with her mother. After a few days there wasn't much money raised, however, following an article in the Times Herald donations began pouring in and finally reached $2,880.

The funeral services for Eleanor Denise Smith were held this past Wednesday at Mount Sinai Cemetery in Port Huron. Close to twenty people, all of them strangers to Smith, gathered around the grave site for the burial. Since there were no relatives in attendance, I began the eulogy by explaining that our community and everyone gathered around the graveside are the family of Eleanor Denise Smith. I explained how we were each fulfilling the commandment of chesed shel emet and ensuring that one of God's children returned to the earth with dignity. I feel honored to have been able to have a small part in ensuring that Eleanor Denise Smith had the funeral that she deserved.

Justice Antonin Scalia and the Jewish People

Much is being written about the late Antonin Scalia, the Supreme Court justice who passed away over the weekend. Much of the "talk" is of a political nature as a debate has ensued in Washington as to whether President Obama should appoint a replacement or wait for the next President to do so. Of course, it's the President's job to appoint justices to the highest court in the land, regardless of whether there is less than a year left in his term.

Some liberals immediately took to social media to gloat about Scalia's passing, knowing that an Obama replacement would shake up the court and lean it toward liberal decisions. I saw a couple of posts humorously playing on the Hebrew phrase we say when someone dies, "Baruch Dayan Ha'Emet" (blessed is the true judge). Scalia was generally not liked by Jewish people as his very conservative rulings often came into conflict with the Jewish community's feelings with regard to freedom of religious expression. In a 2009 article in the Jewish Daily Forward, J.J. Goldberg wrote that Scalia is bad for the Jews and laments his legal opinion about an eight-foot metal cross erected as a war memorial.

Rabbi Jeffrey Salkin, writing on the Religion News Service website, did a wonderful job criticizing those who gloated over this news. Salkin writes, "To all of my fellow liberals: I know that you didn’t like Antonin Scalia’s rulings. We get it. Frankly, I don’t blame you. I found Scalia’s positions on church-state relations, sexuality, guns, abortion, death penalty, and pretty much everything else to be very problematic... Because, based on what I am seeing on social media, there has been a lot of inappropriate snark about his sudden passing." Salkin goes on to demonstrate how Jewish tradition informs us about how to handle the death of a person we don’t like.

Remembering CES Maven Neil Gandler

I usually spend the Sunday following the annual Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas reflecting on all of the amazing new tech products I saw over the previous week. Of course I have a lot on my mind as this was the best CES I've experienced yet, but today I will put those reflections on hold because the tragedy of Neil Gandler's murder takes precedence.

Neil Gandler, founder of VegasTechShows.com

Ever since I began attending CES, like thousands of other attendees I came to depend upon a website of resources called VegasTechShows.com. This website was created by software engineer Neil Gandler as a labor of love. It was a roughly built site that more closely resembled a bulletin board (BBS), but even without a flashy, modern look provided detailed information for CES attendees. Neil offered a place on the Web for attendees, media and exhibitors to post helpful tips about travel to Vegas for CES, which hotels to stay at, meetups, dining options and parties. While the site is called Vegas Tech Shows, its function is only for the one week of CES. As the "senior editor and platform developer" of VegasTechShows.com, Neil was always granted a complimentary media pass to CES each year and 2016 would have been his 15th show.

A few years ago as I was preparing my yearly travel plans for CES I consulted Neil's website and had a specific question so I emailed him. I received an immediate response from Neil informing me that we already knew each other. Little did I know that Neil had attended the University of Michigan for graduate school and was active in the Jewish grad student and professionals group at U-M Hillel, where I served as the campus rabbi and associate director. Neil reminded me that he had attended a "Torah on Tap" program for grad students I led at a local bar in Ann Arbor. It was great to reconnect with him, and over the past couple of years we continued to keep in touch about interesting events surrounding CES.

This past October during the Sukkot holiday I received an email from Neil on a Friday afternoon. The subject was "Shabbat Shalom from Michigan" and Neil let me know he was in Ann Arbor and would love to see me over the weekend. I immediately wrote back, inviting him to our home the following day to have Shabbat lunch in our sukkah. He was excited to join us. Over lunch, Neil spoke about his experience in Silicon Valley, the prohibitively high cost of housing there, his plans to invest in tech startups and his love of food. A true foodie, he told us how much he enjoys trying new restaurants and remembers every meal he'd ever had. While in the Detroit area, he asked for suggestions of local kosher restaurants he should try in addition to some of the well known Detroit area restaurants he'd heard about.

Mitch Albom Makes Beautiful Music in New Novel

Ever since the huge literary success of "Tuesdays with Morrie," Mitch Albom has been trying to reach the same level of storytelling magic. His five books that followed "Tuesdays with Morrie" were each wonderful in their own unique way, but seemed to lack the passion of his masterpiece. The recurring themes in his follow-up novels have all given tips of the hat to his magnum opus about Brandeis professor Morrie Schwartz -- mentorship, death and dying, faith and spirituality, and leaving a legacy -- but they just didn't have the same best seller qualities.

Now, Albom follows up his recent book about phone calls from the beyond ("The First Phone Call From Heaven," 2013) with a new novel that seems to weave all of his themes into one volume. With "The Magic Strings of Frankie Pesto" (Harper), Albom has taken his writing to a whole new level. He was at his best when writing about his personal heroes -- a dying college professor and a dying childhood rabbi -- but this book is Albom's first about his lifelong passion of music.

I've grown up reading Mitch Albom's sports columns in the Detroit Free Press and was a fan of his early books (all sports-related) long before "Tuesdays with Morrie" came out in 1997. Anyone who has followed Albom's writings and his local Detroit radio show knows that he knows a lot about sports, but he's most enthusiastic about music. So, it makes perfect sense that the narrator of his newest book is Music (the concept of music personified).

On the second page of the book, Albom, a talented musician who plays in a band, is already making beautiful music with the written word. He introduces our narrator in a rhythmic crafting of verse: "I am Music. And I am here for the soul of Frankie Presto. Not all of it. Just the rather large part he took from me when he came into this world. However well used, I am a loan, not a possession. You give me back upon departure."

Sheryl Sandberg's Wise Words in the Face of Tragedy

One of the most challenging aspects of being a rabbi, in my opinion, is finding the right words to bring comfort to those mourning following the tragic death of a loved one. Aside from the traditional Hebrew phrase we offer mourners, I often find myself left with only four words to offer to those grieving: "There are no words."

After my infant nephew died and people were at a loss for words, I simply uttered, "There are no words." Truthfully though, there are words. And the words aren't necessary from those who are offering comfort. Sometimes the most meaningful words are from the mourners themselves. Those who are in pain from grief can actually find tremendous comfort in their own words.

This was not the case in the Torah following one of the biggest tragedies. After the sudden death of two of Aaron's sons, the Torah explains how the father handled his grief. Using only two words, we are told "Vayidom Aharon," Aaron was silent. So often, silence is the most natural way for mourners to deal with the shock of a sudden death of a loved one. However, after time ones own words may bring comfort.

Credit: Scott Eells/Bloomberg via Getty Images

Such was the case today with Sheryl Sandberg, the Facebook executive whose husband, Dave Goldberg, died suddenly last month. In a Facebook post today on the occasion of the completion of the sheloshim (30-day) period, Sheryl posted a beautiful and inspirational message on her public Facebook account. Her aim was to give back some of the words that were most helpful to her during her period of immense grief. She writes that she received wisdom and advice from close friends and strangers alike. She specifically singles out her close friend and Detroit native Adam Grant, who taught her three things essential to resilience. Sometimes rather than try to come up with the right words to offer to a mourner, we should just listen.

Sheryl's Facebook post has already been shared close to 40,000 times and major media outlets have helped circulate it. Mark Zuckerberg, Robert Scoble, Randi Zuckerberg and many other leading technology executives have commented on her post as well. Sheryl's words are too important and impactful not to share:

Sheryl Sandberg:

Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband—the first thirty days. Judaism calls for a period of intense mourning known as shiva that lasts seven days after a loved one is buried. After shiva, most normal activities can be resumed, but it is the end of sheloshim that marks the completion of religious mourning for a spouse.

Live Long and Prosper: Remembering Leonard Nimoy

It was no surprise that the world lost Leonard Nimoy today. He had been very sick for some time. There will no doubt be many reflections written about him in the coming days and some will of course mention the "Live Long and Prosper" hand symbol from Star Trek.

Leonard Nimoy wearing a tallit (prayer shawl) and showing the Vulcan salute

Playing Spock in both television and movie versions of Star Trek, Nimoy's character used the hand gesture used by kohanim (Jewish priests) for his Vulcan salute. Leonard Nimoy created the Vulcan sign from his childhood memories of the kohen blessing the congregation in synagogue.

The following video by the Yiddish Book Center is a wonderful, in depth perspective of the Jewish life of Leonard Nimoy and he explains the background for the famous Vulcan salute:

Rabbi Dovid Winiarz Exploited Facebook for Good

Just last week I blogged about the importance of Jewish leaders and teachers using social media to reach out to their following in the 21st century. One of the premier examples of a rabbi who exploited social media, and Facebook specifically, for good was Rabbi Dovid Winiarz.

Rabbi Winiarz was a popular outreach rabbi on Staten Island who had over 12,000 followers on his public Facebook page, which was called "The Facebuker Rebbe." Like Rabbi David Wolpe, who similarly has built up a massive following on Facebook to teach and inspire, Rabbi Winiarz posted his religious teachings to inspire more Jews to embrace an observant life.

Tragically, The Facebuker Rebbe Facebook page yesterday turned into a tribute page after Rabbi Winiarz was killed in an early Sunday morning car accident in Maryland while traveling to Baltimore for a kiruv (outreach) retreat. He was the father of ten children.

The Buddy Bench in Memory of My Nephew

Today is a difficult day for my family. We should be celebrating the first birthday of my nephew, Rylan Foster Gelb, but sadly his brief life was cut short on his eleventh day from a rare genetic disease called Galactosemia. I never had a chance to meet Rylan or to hold him and that makes the grieving process all the more challenging for me. So today, instead of eating cake and opening birthday presents, we are mourning this baby boy.

However, as much as Rylan's death has been cause for grief and despair, it has also been the impetus for kindness. In the months following his death, my sister-in-law Stephanie and her husband Hylton, while deep in their own grief, desperately searched for ways to keep Rylan's memory alive. They came up with a few wonderful ways for people to perform acts of loving kindness and then pay those good deeds forward. They have used the tragic death of their newborn son to improve the lives of thousands of others in such a short time.

Stephanie and Hylton Gelb with their newborn son Rylan

In addition to creating the Kounting Kindness website in memory of Rylan and setting up a scholarship fund at The Galactosemia Association of Midwest America (GAMA), Stephanie and Hylton, together with our family and their friends, have dedicated a Buddy Bench at the elementary school behind our home. This Buddy Bench sits prominently on the playground of Forest Elementary School in Farmington Hills, Michigan (the same school that both Stephanie and my wife, Elissa, attended as children) and helps to eliminate loneliness and foster friendship among the young children.

Stephanie Lorfel Gelb stands behind the Buddy Bench, dedicated in loving memory of her son Rylan

The Buddy Bench helps spread the message of inclusion and kindness, allowing Rylan's memory to be kept alive through the increased joy of young children. What's so special for me about this Buddy Bench is that it can be seen from the windows of my home. Already in the few short weeks since it was dedicated, I have stood in my kitchen and looked outside to see many children taking advantage of the Buddy Bench. A child sitting alone on the Buddy Bench signals to others that he is lonely and needs a friend to play with. It also encourages children to perform a good deed by including others in their activities at school recess.

Children at Forest Elementary School sit on the Buddy Bench, dedicated in memory of Rylan Gelb

The Buddy Bench has the opposite effect of bullying because it strongly encourages children to be inclusive and kind to others. Just this past Shabbat, a six-year-old girl approached my wife and I to let us know that she found a new friend by going over to the Buddy Bench when she saw a little girl sitting there waiting for someone to approach her. What a significant way to bring more kindness into the world.

It's remarkable how the tragedy of an infant's death can bring about mitzvot. These acts of kindness have helped to bring a touch of joy to the memory of my nephew Rylan. It's a challenge to find ways to turn such a negative event into many positive initiatives -- especially during the grieving process -- but I give my sister-in-law and brother-in-law tremendous credit for what they have done. The kindness that Rylan has brought into this world is exponential and will only continue to grow. May the short life of Rylan Gelb continue to bring blessings into our world and make it a kinder place for everyone.

Senseless: Terrorism During Prayer

I really didn't want to write this blog post.

This morning, I thought about writing something about the tragedy in Jerusalem, but my stomach told me "no." I just didn't have the energy to do it. I awoke this morning feeling better than I had in the past couple of days as I was "down for the count" with the stomach flu. When my eyes opened at 6 AM, I thought about how I didn't feel nauseous. But then I grabbed for my phone, took one look at the "Breaking News Alert" on the screen, and then my stomach immediately returned to that queasy feeling I thought I had beaten.

Through still sleepy eyes, I read something about a terrorist attack in a Jerusalem synagogue during morning prayers. And then I read the words "gun, knives and axes." It was a bloody mess in the Har Nof synagogue. Miraculously there were only five murders. It could have been a lot worse. No doubt, the terrorists were planning a massacre.

I didn't want to write about this. As David Horovitz expressed today, "Nobody wants to write on a terrible day like this, but there are some points that have to be made, nevertheless.

Associated Press

Today's terrorist attack really hit home. Rabbi Aryeh Kupinsky, one of the four rabbis who was brutally murdered while davenen (praying) had Detroit roots. He grew up a dozen miles from me in Oak Park, Michigan (a suburb of Detroit). He was a student at Akiva Hebrew Day School, the Orthodox cousin to Hillel Day School, the Conservative day school that I attended. No doubt we had mutual friends growing up. No one could have ever imagined that his life would be cut short in such a gruesome way. (3 of the 4 rabbis were American, including Rabbi Moshe Twersky, grandson of Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik.)

Where Would I Be Without Rabbi Mort Hoffman?

Every rabbi has a rabbi to whom they can point as the reason they are a rabbi today. Mine was Rabbi Mort Hoffman. Let me explain.

I arrived on the campus of Michigan State University in East Lansing, Michigan, in late August 1994. I had returned from my first visit to Israel only weeks prior and was now frustratingly trying to figure out how to get back to Israel as soon as possible. The term "Gap Year" wasn't as popular twenty years ago as it is today, but I was regretting not registering for a freshman year program like USY's Nativ. I had fallen in love with Israel and was not excited about commencing my four year experience at MSU.

During "Welcome Week," I received a call on my dorm room land line phone (remember, this was 1994!). The voice on the other end introduced himself as Rabbi Morton Hoffman of the local Congregation Shaarey Zedek.

He told me that he had gotten my name from someone at the Michigan State Hillel house who said I could teach Hebrew at his congregation's religious school. I acknowledged that I had a Jewish day school education, spoke and understood Hebrew, but had no teaching experience. Rabbi Hoffman said that he didn't expect I would have had any teaching experience since I was a college freshman. He then went on to explain that his wife, Aviva, had been diagnosed with breast cancer and would be unable to teach her 4th grade class while she was undergoing aggressive treatment. Hebrew school was about to begin in a week and he was now scrambling to find a temporary replacement for her.

Rabbi Mort Hoffman and Jason Miller (April 1998) at Michigan State University

This Is Where I Leave You: Sitting Shiva in the 21st Century

Jonathan Tropper's "This Is Where I Leave You" was one of my favorite books. I found it hard to put down and several parts were laugh-out-loud funny. As I read Tropper's book, I remember hoping that it would one day be made into a movie. Well, the movie version of Tropper's book opens today and I cannot wait to go see it.

The story focuses on the Altman family who are sitting shiva after the family patriarch dies. It was his final wish that the entire family sit shiva for him for an entire week (the traditional observance period). The film has some of my favorite actors in it, including Jason Bateman ("Arrested Development"), Tina Fey ("30 Rock"), Adam Driver ("Girls"), Dax Shepard ("Parenthood") and Corey Stoll ("House of Cards"). I'm hopeful that it will be an accurate portrayal of the modern shiva experience for the mass audience, but also hopeful that it will prompt learning opportunities for rabbis and other Jewish educators to inform about the ingredients of a traditional shiva observance.

This Is Where I Leave You focuses on a Jewish family sitting shiva

Part of the reason I enjoyed the book so much (aside from Tropper's writing) was that I could relate to the shiva experience -- both as a Jewish person who has sat shiva for deceased relatives as well as a rabbi who has visited hundreds of shiva homes in a professional role. Shiva is an interesting ritual and one that non-Jews often point to as something that really impresses them about the Jewish faith. In fact, last October I had the opportunity to meet Tina Fey in New York City not long after she finished filming "This Is Where I Leave You" and she remarked to me how touching and meaningful it was to sit shiva (even if it was in a fictional movie).

Shiva has many long-standing traditions, but it is also interesting to see how it has evolved over the generations. Sitting shiva in the 21st century is different from previous centuries. Many non-observant families opt to satisfy the more traditional requirements of shiva, while some observant families find themselves settling for a less traditional shiva experience. This is often due to the wishes of the deceased or to keep the peace with other mourners. While "shiva" literally means seven, reflecting the seven days the immediate mourners are required to officially mourn at home following the burial of their loved one, many Jewish families are opting for shorter shiva periods. I've also noticed more emphasis being placed on specific rules for visiting the shiva house -- what one might call "articulated etiquette." That is to say, families are including instructions in the death notice or in announcements at the funeral home that those who wish to pay their condolences to the shiva home may do so only between certain hours of the day in order to give the family their privacy.

Robin Williams, Jacob in the Torah and Depression

I’ve never cried when a celebrity suddenly dies. It has always seemed like something that just happens. Certainly, it’s a sad day when an actor or musician, athlete or politician has “cashed in their chips” early. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ve been shocked and saddened when I’ve learned of the lethal overdose of a promising young athlete or when the news breaks that a famous actor has lost his battle with cancer. But Robin Williams wasn’t just any comedian. He wasn’t your typical actor or entertainer. Robin Williams was the textbook definition of “comedic genius.”

Robin Williams grew up in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan only a few miles from my childhood home and, while not Jewish by birth, he was widely known as an honorary Jew – both for his brand of humor (always peppered with a Yiddish expression and Jewish inflection) and for his unwavering commitment to Jewish causes. I’ve cried several times in the past couple of days since hearing of his untimely death. He was a brilliant at entertaining us.

Like most of my generation, I was first introduced to the silliness of Robin Williams as a young child tuning in to every episode of “Mork and Mindy.” It was my mimicking of Robin’s goofy antics in kindergarten that led the teacher to tell my parents I was a “class clown.” And then I found my father’s audio cassettes of his standup routines, “Robin Williams: A Night at the Met” and “Reality… What a Concept.” I listened to those tapes dozens of times and brought them with me to summer camp to entertain my friends. The counselors told my parents I should be a standup comedian. Not long after that my dad took me to see “Good Morning Vietnam” in the theater and then I bought the video tape as soon as it came out, memorizing long segments of the movie and then performing them in front of my class at my Jewish day school. The teacher told my parents that I should tone down my R-rated humor.

Naftali Fraenkel, Gil-ad Shaar and Eyal Yifrach: No Words

There are no words for this tragedy.

May the memories of the murdered Israeli teens, Naftali Fraenkel, Gil-ad Shaar and Eyal Yifrach, be for blessings and may peace triumph over evil.

Mourning 11 Days of Unclehood

I hadn't planned to walk 3 miles this past Sunday morning. It was not because I don't enjoy exercise. A 75-minute Spinning class is part of my typical Sunday morning routine. But on a cold and windy late April morning in Michigan, my wife, three children and I completed a 3-mile trek along a nature trail an hour from our home. It was an annual fundraiser walk to benefit the March of Dimes. My family unfortunately got to know the importance of the March of Dimes' newborn screening program late last year.

I've been a fan of SavvyAuntie.com since its early days on the web and always dreamed of being a Savvy Uncle though I know it doesn't quite roll off the tongue like "Savvy Auntie". While I have three wonderful children of my own, I have always looked forward to becoming an uncle. When my wife's sister announced she was due with her first child about a year ago, my excitement level rose. Unclehood was within reach.

Rylan Foster Gelb 12/3/2013-12/14/2013

On December 3, 2013 I became an uncle. I was ecstatic. On my personal blog I wrote about what a blessing it was for me to become an uncle. That might sound silly since I was already blessed with my own awesome and healthy biological children, but I enjoyed a wonderful relationship with my own uncle during my childhood and I was eager to try to replicate that special bond with my new nephew.

Sadly that high was short lived. Only a few days into my new role as an uncle I learned that my nephew Rylan Foster Gelb had been born with a rare genetic disorder. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law would come to learn more about that genetic disorder only because it was diagnosed through the newborn screening, which is a test researched, funded, and advocated by the March of Dimes. Tragically, my nephew was simply too sick to recover and he passed away on his eleventh day of life. He never left the hospital. He died cradled in his parents' arms. He died looking like a perfectly healthy baby.

Harold Ramis and Groundhog Day's Torah Metaphor

Sadly, Harold Ramis passed away yesterday at the early age of 69. Famous for so many great movies including Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, Caddyshack, National Lampoon's Animal House, Analyze This, National Lampoon's Vacation and Stripes. Ramis also acted and appeared in such films as Knocked Up, As Good As It Gets, Airheads and Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (where he played L'chaim).

Not a religious Jew, Harold Ramis did don a tallit and gave a terrific sermon on Rosh Hashanah at Aitz Hayim Center for Jewish Living a few years ago. Here are the videos of that presentation about Jewish creativity:



For many, Harold Ramis' finest writing contribution was the 1993 classic Groundhog Day. In a talk at the Hudson Union Society in 2009, Ramis explained some of the allure behind Groundhog Day. While Zen Buddhists find it to be very Buddhist, Christians see the Christian metaphors in the film. The psychiatric community told Ramis that they thought the movie was a metaphor for psychoanalysis. At the 2:39 mark of this talk, Harold Ramis shares how there is a connection between Groundhog Day and the Torah. As a Jew, Ramis explains that Jews respond to the movie so well because the Torah is read anew every year and yet we see the same story with different meanings.