The Buddy Bench in Memory of My Nephew

Today is a difficult day for my family. We should be celebrating the first birthday of my nephew, Rylan Foster Gelb, but sadly his brief life was cut short on his eleventh day from a rare genetic disease called Galactosemia. I never had a chance to meet Rylan or to hold him and that makes the grieving process all the more challenging for me. So today, instead of eating cake and opening birthday presents, we are mourning this baby boy.

However, as much as Rylan's death has been cause for grief and despair, it has also been the impetus for kindness. In the months following his death, my sister-in-law Stephanie and her husband Hylton, while deep in their own grief, desperately searched for ways to keep Rylan's memory alive. They came up with a few wonderful ways for people to perform acts of loving kindness and then pay those good deeds forward. They have used the tragic death of their newborn son to improve the lives of thousands of others in such a short time.

Stephanie and Hylton Gelb with their newborn son Rylan

In addition to creating the Kounting Kindness website in memory of Rylan and setting up a scholarship fund at The Galactosemia Association of Midwest America (GAMA), Stephanie and Hylton, together with our family and their friends, have dedicated a Buddy Bench at the elementary school behind our home. This Buddy Bench sits prominently on the playground of Forest Elementary School in Farmington Hills, Michigan (the same school that both Stephanie and my wife, Elissa, attended as children) and helps to eliminate loneliness and foster friendship among the young children.

Stephanie Lorfel Gelb stands behind the Buddy Bench, dedicated in loving memory of her son Rylan

The Buddy Bench helps spread the message of inclusion and kindness, allowing Rylan's memory to be kept alive through the increased joy of young children. What's so special for me about this Buddy Bench is that it can be seen from the windows of my home. Already in the few short weeks since it was dedicated, I have stood in my kitchen and looked outside to see many children taking advantage of the Buddy Bench. A child sitting alone on the Buddy Bench signals to others that he is lonely and needs a friend to play with. It also encourages children to perform a good deed by including others in their activities at school recess.

Children at Forest Elementary School sit on the Buddy Bench, dedicated in memory of Rylan Gelb

The Buddy Bench has the opposite effect of bullying because it strongly encourages children to be inclusive and kind to others. Just this past Shabbat, a six-year-old girl approached my wife and I to let us know that she found a new friend by going over to the Buddy Bench when she saw a little girl sitting there waiting for someone to approach her. What a significant way to bring more kindness into the world.

It's remarkable how the tragedy of an infant's death can bring about mitzvot. These acts of kindness have helped to bring a touch of joy to the memory of my nephew Rylan. It's a challenge to find ways to turn such a negative event into many positive initiatives -- especially during the grieving process -- but I give my sister-in-law and brother-in-law tremendous credit for what they have done. The kindness that Rylan has brought into this world is exponential and will only continue to grow. May the short life of Rylan Gelb continue to bring blessings into our world and make it a kinder place for everyone.

Yom Kippur at Occupy Wall Street

Yesterday, hundreds of young Jews were on a 25-hour hunger strike at Occupy Wall Street. Okay, so it was actually a Yom Kippur fast.

Kol Nidre on Wall Street (photo: Damon Dahlen / AOL)

What was so meaningful about Friday night's "Occupy Wall Street" Kol Nidrei services in front of Brown Brothers Harriman on Broadway at Liberty Plaza was how it stood in stark contrast to an earlier episode at Occupy Wall Street. Daniel Sieradski explained on his blog that two individuals (he didn't use "individuals") "were caught on video at Occupy Wall Street saying profoundly awful, stupid things about Jews, one of whom was consistently heckled and challenged by those around him." Contrast that act of anti-Semitism to Friday night's Kol Nidrei service across from Zuccotti Park attended by approximately 1,000 people. It was in the same place where the anti-Semitic comments were made days earlier.

The Rabbinical Assembly, of which I'm a member, donated machzorim (High Holiday prayerbooks) for the prayer service. It was led by Avi Fox Rosen (Storahtelling), Sarah Wolf (JTS), and Getzel Davis (Hebrew College), who are being assisted in preparations by Yosef Goldman (JTS) and Rabbi Ezra Weinberg (RRC).

Sieradski correctly complains that more media attention is being paid to the anti-Semitic comments than to the beautiful Yom Kippur prayer experience that took place in the same area. The young Jewish people who attended Kol Nidrei at Occupy Wall Street have been describing it as the most meaningful Jewish experience of their lives.

Here's video footage from the Kol Nidrei service at Occupy Wall Street:

In his announcement of the Kol Nidrei service, Daniel Sieradski posted the following:

“Prayer is meaningless unless it is subversive, unless it seeks to overthrow and to ruin the pyramids of callousness, hatred, opportunism, falsehoods. The liturgical movement must become a revolutionary movement, seeking to overthrow the forces that continue to destroy the promise, the hope, the vision.”
--Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel

This Friday night begins Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, the holiest day in the Jewish calendar. On this day, Jews around the world refrain from all physical pleasures (eating, bathing and screwing, to name a few), and devote themselves to prayer and supplication, begging the Lord forgiveness of their sins so that they may be written into the Book of Life.

But is fasting and beating our chests really the best we can do to redeem ourselves?

As lower Manhattan erupts with thousands of protesters taking a stand against economic injustice, the words of the prophet Isaiah resonate more truthfully and appropriately than ever:

Is such the fast that I have chosen? the day for a man to afflict his soul? Is it to bow down his head as a bulrush, and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him? Wilt thou call this a fast, and an acceptable day to the LORD? Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the fetters of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke? Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him, and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh? Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thy healing shall spring forth speedily; and thy righteousness shall go before thee, the glory of the LORD shall be thy reward.

Thus rather than spending the holiday safe and warm in our cozy synagogues thinking abstractly about human suffering, perhaps we should truly afflict ourselves and undertake the fast of Isaiah, by joining the demonstrators in Zuccotti Park, and holding our Yom Kippur services there amongst the oppressed, hungry, poor and naked.

Not to be cliché, but as Rabbi Hillel the Elder said, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?”

Kol Hakavod to all those who organized this so that the Occupy Wall Street participants would still be able to observe Yom Kippur.