The Buddy Bench in Memory of My Nephew

Today is a difficult day for my family. We should be celebrating the first birthday of my nephew, Rylan Foster Gelb, but sadly his brief life was cut short on his eleventh day from a rare genetic disease called Galactosemia. I never had a chance to meet Rylan or to hold him and that makes the grieving process all the more challenging for me. So today, instead of eating cake and opening birthday presents, we are mourning this baby boy.

However, as much as Rylan's death has been cause for grief and despair, it has also been the impetus for kindness. In the months following his death, my sister-in-law Stephanie and her husband Hylton, while deep in their own grief, desperately searched for ways to keep Rylan's memory alive. They came up with a few wonderful ways for people to perform acts of loving kindness and then pay those good deeds forward. They have used the tragic death of their newborn son to improve the lives of thousands of others in such a short time.

Stephanie and Hylton Gelb with their newborn son Rylan

In addition to creating the Kounting Kindness website in memory of Rylan and setting up a scholarship fund at The Galactosemia Association of Midwest America (GAMA), Stephanie and Hylton, together with our family and their friends, have dedicated a Buddy Bench at the elementary school behind our home. This Buddy Bench sits prominently on the playground of Forest Elementary School in Farmington Hills, Michigan (the same school that both Stephanie and my wife, Elissa, attended as children) and helps to eliminate loneliness and foster friendship among the young children.

Stephanie Lorfel Gelb stands behind the Buddy Bench, dedicated in loving memory of her son Rylan

The Buddy Bench helps spread the message of inclusion and kindness, allowing Rylan's memory to be kept alive through the increased joy of young children. What's so special for me about this Buddy Bench is that it can be seen from the windows of my home. Already in the few short weeks since it was dedicated, I have stood in my kitchen and looked outside to see many children taking advantage of the Buddy Bench. A child sitting alone on the Buddy Bench signals to others that he is lonely and needs a friend to play with. It also encourages children to perform a good deed by including others in their activities at school recess.

Children at Forest Elementary School sit on the Buddy Bench, dedicated in memory of Rylan Gelb

The Buddy Bench has the opposite effect of bullying because it strongly encourages children to be inclusive and kind to others. Just this past Shabbat, a six-year-old girl approached my wife and I to let us know that she found a new friend by going over to the Buddy Bench when she saw a little girl sitting there waiting for someone to approach her. What a significant way to bring more kindness into the world.

It's remarkable how the tragedy of an infant's death can bring about mitzvot. These acts of kindness have helped to bring a touch of joy to the memory of my nephew Rylan. It's a challenge to find ways to turn such a negative event into many positive initiatives -- especially during the grieving process -- but I give my sister-in-law and brother-in-law tremendous credit for what they have done. The kindness that Rylan has brought into this world is exponential and will only continue to grow. May the short life of Rylan Gelb continue to bring blessings into our world and make it a kinder place for everyone.

Mourning 11 Days of Unclehood

I hadn't planned to walk 3 miles this past Sunday morning. It was not because I don't enjoy exercise. A 75-minute Spinning class is part of my typical Sunday morning routine. But on a cold and windy late April morning in Michigan, my wife, three children and I completed a 3-mile trek along a nature trail an hour from our home. It was an annual fundraiser walk to benefit the March of Dimes. My family unfortunately got to know the importance of the March of Dimes' newborn screening program late last year.

I've been a fan of SavvyAuntie.com since its early days on the web and always dreamed of being a Savvy Uncle though I know it doesn't quite roll off the tongue like "Savvy Auntie". While I have three wonderful children of my own, I have always looked forward to becoming an uncle. When my wife's sister announced she was due with her first child about a year ago, my excitement level rose. Unclehood was within reach.

Rylan Foster Gelb 12/3/2013-12/14/2013

On December 3, 2013 I became an uncle. I was ecstatic. On my personal blog I wrote about what a blessing it was for me to become an uncle. That might sound silly since I was already blessed with my own awesome and healthy biological children, but I enjoyed a wonderful relationship with my own uncle during my childhood and I was eager to try to replicate that special bond with my new nephew.

Sadly that high was short lived. Only a few days into my new role as an uncle I learned that my nephew Rylan Foster Gelb had been born with a rare genetic disorder. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law would come to learn more about that genetic disorder only because it was diagnosed through the newborn screening, which is a test researched, funded, and advocated by the March of Dimes. Tragically, my nephew was simply too sick to recover and he passed away on his eleventh day of life. He never left the hospital. He died cradled in his parents' arms. He died looking like a perfectly healthy baby.

Speechless: Mourning For My Nephew

“When Bad Things Happen to Good People” – Those words, the title of a book by my teacher Rabbi Harold Kushner, keep echoing in my head. Tragedy has struck my family. We planned to go to Chicago last week where I would have the honor of being both the uncle and the rabbi at my newborn nephew’s bris. Instead we're headed to Chicago today – a week later than planned – where I will have the unfortunate responsibility to be both the uncle and the rabbi at my nephew’s funeral. We're grieving.

A little more than a week ago I searched the Web for an appropriate blessing to say on becoming an uncle. Not finding anything, I wrote my own blessing. Last night I searched the Web desperately seeking what one says at the funeral of an 11-day-old baby. The answer is nothing. We're speechless.

When my nephew was born I wrote about Abraham of the Torah and his role as uncle to Lot. He took his nephew under his wing, cared for him and protected him. Today I unfortunately look to another uncle in the Torah. Moses mourned the death of his two nephews Nadav and Avihu. The Torah relates that the boys’ father -- Moses’ brother Aaron -- was speechless. So too must Uncle Moses have been in his mourning of this sudden death. We're in shock.

On the Shabbat when the Torah portion was Parashat Vayechi (And he lived), my nephew died. On the Shabbat in which we learn of the blessings Jacob bestowed upon his sons, my sister-in-law and brother-in-law began to come to terms with the harsh reality that they will never bless their son as Jacob did. On the Shabbat when the Congregation of Israel stands upon finishing the first book of the Torah and, preparing to open the next chapter, proclaims “Chazak chazak v'nitchazek” (Be strong, be strong and let us be strengthened), my family feels weak. From creation there will be no next chapter for my nephew. We're weakened.

Baruch Dayan Ha-Emet. May the soul of my innocent nephew Rylan Foster Gelb (Yitzchak Chaim) be bound up in the bond of eternal life and may he rest in peace. There is no more to say.

Being Honest About Ritual Circumcision

I don't get squeamish watching a bris take place. And I've seen my fair share. However, I have been getting squeamish lately over the many news items concerning the legality and morality of ritual circumcision, a required Jewish life-cycle event for thousands of years.

When discussing brit milah (Jewish ritual circumcision), I believe it is important to be open and honest. I firmly believe that this mitzvah (commandment) is of paramount importance to the Jewish people and that we must ensure that it is done safely throughout the world to ensure that it continues for generations to come.

Natalie Portman Names Son Alef

I first read the reports last month that Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied had named their newborn son Alef. There was no confirmation of the name from Portman so I didn't blog about it. Now, it appears that more news sources are picking up on this rumor.

Israel Hayom first raised the possibility that Natalie Portman had named her baby "Alef" back in the middle of June, reporting that the name was first mentioned on the Israeli television show "Good Evening with Guy Pines." The name refers to the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet. While the name might seem odd to some, it is really no odder than many of the names of other babies recently born to celebrities in Hollywood.

The Jewish Portman, who is of Israeli descent, has yet to confirm the birth of her son or whether there was a bris.

Natalie Portman Gives Birth to a Baby Boy

Since I launched this blog in March 2003, no post has attracted as much attention as the one I titled simply: "Is Benjamin Millepied Jewish?" That post has received dozens more comments than this blog normally receives. And that simple question: "Is Benjamin Millepied Jewish?" has driven traffic to this blog in record numbers.

So, now that Natalie Portman has given birth to a baby boy I'm sure there will be new questions that arise in the public's mind. As Benjamin Millepied and Natalie Portman welcome their son into this world, will they choose to have a brit milah (bris, ritual circumcision) for their baby son? What will his name be? Will Natalie Portman choose a Hebrew name for her son? Since she is of Israeli descent, will her son's name be a common Israeli name?

When Natalie Portman releases the name of her baby, I'm sure people will still want more information. Since Ashkenazi Jewish custom dictates that babies are named after deceased relatives, the public will want to know who Natalie Portman's son is named for. Also, there is no question that this baby was born Jewish because Natalie Portman is Jewish, so there will likely be an international discussion about whether Portman and Millepied will have a traditional bris ceremony on this new baby's eighth day of life. With the debate over a ban on ritual circumcision currently taking place in San Francisco, I'm certain this celebrity birth will add fuel to that fire.

Finally, Natalie Portman has stated publicly that she plans to raise her child Jewish. Another high profile Jewish celebrity who is intermarried to a non-Jew but raising her child Jewish will add to the discussion about interfaith families. Benjamin Millepied could choose to convert to Judaism in the future, but if he doesn't he will be in good company with other non-Jewish parents helping to raise Jewish children. In fact, organizations like the Jewish Outreach Institute and InterfaithFamily.com exist to help interfaith families who are giving their children a Jewish upbringing.

Mazel Tov to Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied on the birth of their son. For years we've watched Natalie Portman as she's starred in movies and received award after award. Now, she'll have a chance to shine as a Jewish mother. I'm betting that thirteen years from now, there will be a headline somewhere that reads "Natalie Portman's son becomes a Bar Mitzvah."