Showing posts with label Jewish Humor. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Paying for High Holiday Tickets

Who shall live and who shall die? Who shall pray for free and who needs to buy?

Okay, so maybe those aren't the exact words of the Unetaneh Tokef prayer on the High Holidays, but "pay to pray" is once again the big conversation as the High Holy Day season approaches with Rosh Hashanah beginning tomorrow evening.

High Holiday Tickets - Pay to Pray


Many synagogues require membership for attendance during the High Holidays or they charge a fee (or suggest a minimum donation). An increasing number of congregations, however, are offering free services and hope that attendees will generously contribute a donation after the holiday. Just about no synagogue will intentionally turn anyone away who wishes to pray during these Days of Awe. The famous Jewish joke comes to mind:

A Jewish man comes to the door of a synagogue on Rosh Hashanah without a ticket and explains to the usher that he doesn't want to stay, he just wants to give a message to someone inside. After a tense confrontation, the synagogue usher finally agrees to let the guy in, but he warns him sternly: "I better not catch you praying in there."

There is a certain misnomer about the tradition of synagogues requiring tickets on the High Holidays. It is not that synagogues are trying to make Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur services like a sporting event (although some synagogues do have assigned seating). Rather, synagogues are trying to stay in business and be able to collect membership dues. For many Jewish people, the High Holiday services are the only "service" they find themselves using at the synagogue. Therefore, if congregations didn't require membership to attend those services, they wouldn't collect enough membership dues to balance the annual budget. Thus, High Holiday tickets are really just a way for congregations to collect dues. For many synagogues, the fiscal year begins over the summer so getting congregants to pay dues payments during the first quarter of the fiscal year is highly advantageous as they set the annual budget.

Free High Holiday tickets is also a misnomer because just about any congregation offering complimentary attendance at their Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur prayer services is expecting donations in return for their generosity. In other words, in exchange for not charging a fee you will likely receive an empty self-addressed envelope with an expectation.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Jewish Themes in Michael Jackson's Songs

Today is the fifth anniversary of Michael Jackson's sudden death. He died on June 25, 2009 and like the notable deaths of other big name celebrities, I remember exactly where I was at the time. As a child I was a big fan of Michael Jackson's music. I recall listening to the cassette tape of Thriller on the way to and from Hillel Day School in the Fall of 1982. When I discovered MJ's "Off the Wall" cassette in my parents' music collection I listened to it until it just broke. Today, my oldest son loves listening to Michael Jackson, which is certainly a good sign that his music will outlive him.

In Michael Jackson's memory I've gone through his entire song catalog to find the "Jewish themes" in his music. Thanks for reading and sharing... Enjoy!

Michael Jackson wearing a kippah (yarmulke)


ABC – Learning the alef-bet in cheder

A Brand New Day Havdallah

Another Part of Me  Neshama Yiterah (our second soul on Shabbat)

[I’m] Bad – The Vidui (Confessional)

Baby Be Mine – Pidyon Haben

Beat It – Hoshanah Rabbah theme

Beautiful Girl  – King Ahashverosh's serenade of Queen Esther

Ben – Hebrew for “son”

Black or White – How some describe Jewish law

Break of Dawn – Hashkama Minyan (early risers' prayer group)

Can't Get Outta the Rain – Mashiv haruach u'morid hageshem (prayer for rain)

Can't Let Her Get Away – Agunah (chained woman without a bill of divorce)

Cheater – Ryan Braun

Come Together – Minyan

Dancing Machine – There’s one at every Jewish wedding

Dirty Diana – The Princess of Wales in niddah (sorry!)

Don’t Stop ’til You Get Enough – What you don’t say to a mohel

Earth Song – "Kol Ha-olam Kulo"

Fly Away  – Shiluah Haken (shooing away the mother bird)

Free  – Yovel (Jubilee year when all slaves and prisoners go free)

The Girl Is Mine – Kinyan at a Jewish wedding "Harei at mekudeshet lee b’taba’at zo…"

Got to Be There – That guilty inner monologue before holiday dinners with the family

Heal the World – Mi-Sheberach prayer for the Ill

I Want You Back – Pidyon Haben (redemption of the first born)

I'll Be There – Elijah says this before every bris

In the Back – Where everyone sits in shul

Jam – Goes nice on a bagel

Keep the Faith – Ani Ma'amin (b'emunah shleyma)

Leave Me Alone – Lonely Man of Faith (Soloveitchik)

Man in the Mirror – Cheshbon Nefesh (personal accounting before High Holidays)

Night Time Lover – Mikvah Night

Off the Wall – What happens to your kvittel (note) if you don't stick it deep enough into the cracks of the Kotel (Western Wall)

Privacy – Yichud

(No Michael Jackson songs that start with Q)

Remember the Time – Kiddush (Remember the Sabbath day...)

Rock with You – Palestinians said this to Israelis during Intifada

Save Me – Hoshiah Na!

She’s out of My Life – Get (Bill of Divorce)

Somebody's Watching Me – God's omnipresence

Someone in the Dark – Pharaoh during the 9th plague

Speechless – Vayidom Aharon (Aaron was speechless - Lev. 9)

Take Me Back – Ba'al Teshuva

Unbreakable – The groom can't smash the glass at his wedding

Up Again – T'chiyat Hametim (resurrection of the dead)

(No Michael Jackson songs that start with V)

Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’ – Simchat Torah

We Are Here to Change the World – Tikkun Olam

We’ve Had Enough – Dayeinu!

(No Michael Jackson songs that start with X)

You Are Not Alone – Hashem is everywhere

You Can’t Win – Trying to convince Bubbie you're not hungry

(No Michael Jackson songs that start with Z)

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Top Purim Videos for 2014

Purim is here! In preparing for my annual rundown of the top videos for Purim this year a few thoughts emerged: First, nothing really impressed me this year. Second, there wasn't a lot of creativity (did a memo go out limiting people to only use Pharrell Williams' song "Happy" and "Let It Go" -- the theme from the movie Frozen?). Third, where's this year's contribution from the Maccabeats? Maybe they're too busy touring around the world and appearing on TV with Katie Couric?

I'm hopeful that the creative geniuses out there will get working on next year's Purim spoofs and parodies and come up with some fun videos that are more creative than the t-shirt above. It's actually easier for me to choose the best Purim videos when there's more to choose from. While it was slim pickens this year, there are some fun ones below. So Happy Purim... and here are 2014's top Purim videos:

HAPPY Purim (by Pharrell)



The Haman Remembrance - Temple Israel in West Bloomfield, Michigan



Megillas Lester Official Trailer



Kinderlach - Purim Chagiga



Miracle - Gad Elbaz and Naftali Kalfa featuring Ari Lesser



"What Does Haman Say" by A.K.A. Pella



Star Wars Lego Movie Purim Trailer



Let it Go Frozen - It's a Purim Song



Michelle Citrin - Shake Your Grogger (A Purim Song)



Bob Dylan Purim Shpiel (Robert Zimmerman)



What Does Purim Say? (What Does the Fox Say?)



Everything Is Purim (from the Lego Movie)


Friday, May 31, 2013

Spelling Knaidel and Bravo's Princesses Reality TV Show

We Jews have arrived! That seemed to be the general sentiment on my Facebook news feed last night as word traveled around the social network that the winning word in the 2013 Scripps National Spelling Bee was "knaidel" - the Yiddish word for matzah ball. Most excited Facebook users chimed in on the variant transliterated spellings of the Yiddish word wondering how the organizers of the annual spelling bee could agree on just one accepted spelling.

Arvind Mahankali, the 2013 Scripps National Spelling Bee champ spelled Knaidel for the win (NBC)


Saturday, December 08, 2012

Best Hanukkah Videos of 2012

Hanukkah, Hanukah or Chanukkah... no matter how you spell it there's one thing you can be certain of when Hanukkah arrives and that is that there will be no shortage of fun Hanukkah videos on YouTube. Since posting my list of the top Hanukkah videos the past couple years I now receive dozens of videos to include in my list. I'm sure I'm leaving out some great ones, but these are what I consider to be the best Hanukkah videos of 2012.

Oh, and special thanks to the indie band "fun." for releasing the song "Some Nights" this year. As you can see from several of the videos below, it was an obvious song to parody y.for Hanukkah. And yes, the band's guitarist/vocalist Jack Antonoff is Jewish and attended Solomon Schechter Day School of Bergen County, New Jersey (he also dated Scarlett Johansson in high school). Enjoy!

Stand Four - 8 Nights




Pella Productions - 8 Nights Of Hanukkah A Capella Mashup




Maccabeats - Shine




Matisyahu Sings "Happy Hanukkah" on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno




The Best Dreidel Songs (Including a Version by Jimmy Fallon and Rashida Jones)


Shirat Machar (Marom) - Eight Nights the Miracle of Light




Technion - Rube Goldberg Machine Lights Menorah




Aish - Racing Home: A Hanukkah Surprise




Michelle Citrin - Hanukkah Lovin'




Bubala Please - Making Latkes (Warning: Strong Language)




(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To DREIDEL)