Planning a Simcha in the Digital Age

This year will mark the thirtieth anniversary of my bar mitzvah. As I reflect on that memorable life-cycle event, I think about how much has changed in the planning of a bar/bat mitzvah since then thanks in no small part to technology. In fact, technology has improved so rapidly that much had even changed from my oldest son’s bar mitzvah in early 2017 to my twins’ b’nai mitzvah in late 2018.

The planning process for a bar/bat mitzvah or a wedding, including the hiring of vendors, has become much easier because of the web and mobile apps. This is true when it comes to wedding planning as well. From sending out invitations and getting responses back to creating table assignments and figuring out who wants the vegetarian meal, there is no shortage of applications to help make planning a simcha (Jewish celebration) go smoothly in the 21st century. There still will be stressful moments, but technology has certainly alleviated much of the simcha planning anxiety.

The creators of the web applications that help us plan bar/bat mitzvahs and weddings experienced the hassles of those endeavors themselves. It was that anxiety-producing experience that led them to find ways to disrupt the party planning industry using new technology. Let’s look at some of the innovative ways you can save time and energy planning your next simcha.

RSVPify – Managing your guest list and keeping track of responses can really add to the anxiety of planning a simcha. Now that it’s considered appropriate to use online invitations and responses for weddings and mitzvah parties, RSVPify has stepped in as the most advanced online RSVP website. With RSVPify, you can still use traditional invitations, but your guests can respond to the invitation online. This makes it easier to keep track of your guests. RSVPify also has secondary events management to help you keep track of additional events during your party weekend, like a Shabbat dinner, Sunday brunch or rehearsal dinner. Additionally, you can ask your guests custom questions, like whether they require a special meal or home hospitality for Shabbat, size of giveaway clothing, or who needs a ride from the airport. RSVPify also has clever features like a seating chart maker, built-in menu options for dietary needs and food allergies, and the ability to send reminder emails to guests who haven’t responded. Guests are even able to give a monetary gift or make an online donation directly from the invitation. https://rsvpify.com

Mitzvah Organizer – This website really has it all when it comes to planning a bar/bat mitzvah. It is created by Mitzvah Market, an online vendor directory that has ideas and resources for parents planning a mitzvah. The Mitzvah Organizer costs $69.95 and allows you to manage the guest lists for all aspects of the celebration weekend. The user interface looks like nothing more than a branded Microsoft Excel database, but it allows you to effortlessly manage everything in one app including table assignments, a candle lighting ceremony, party favor sizes, the song list for the DJ, the synagogue honors for the service, and many other things that are easy to forget. For many parents, Mitzvah Organizer’s budget feature will help them figure out which vendors have been paid and which are still owed, in addition to how close they have kept to their original budget. Plus, the budget feature allows you to compare the costs of different vendors. Mitzvah Organizer has predesigned reports that will prove helpful to stay organized and to provide necessary information to the vendors. Like most online apps, Mitzvah Organizer can be used on a desktop, tablet or phone. https://www.mitzvahorganizer.com/

Zola – Wedding websites like Wedding Wire and The Knot are nothing new. They’ve been around for a long time and continue to add more features. Zola seems to have taken what those websites offer up a notch. Zola is a free service and does not charge for couples to create a custom wedding website. The company does sell invitations and charges a fee if wedding guests use the website to gift money to the couple. In addition to an online wedding registry (something Wedding Wire and The Knot offer as well), Zola offers expert advice for weddings, like which venue to use and how to find an officiant, how to create the guest list, what creative innovations to include in the ceremony, which activities to offer before and during the wedding weekend, reception décor, and how to choose the right photographer. Couples can send updates to guests, have a countdown clock on their website, and post videos to get their guests excited for their big day. These customized wedding websites also make it easier for the out-of-town guests, as well as guests at a destination wedding, because everything they need to plan their vacation is on the wedding website. https://www.zola.com/

Mint – Although not directly related to the planning of a bar/bat mitzvah or wedding, Mint does cover one paramount aspect surrounding the planning process – money. The successful planning, hosting, and executing of any event is a feat unto itself. However, if you’re the one paying for the lion’s share of it then you may be left with the financial impact from an event such as this for months (or even years) down the road. That is where the Mint app comes in. Mint is a budget tracking and planning app that can help you take the guesswork out of planning and saving for any event. The app allows you to view all of your financial accounts in one precise, consolidated platform and allows you to track any income arriving or departing from your account(s). You can also view your credit score which might bolster or holster your plans on using a credit card to fund the event. Mint goes the extra mile by offering tips and informed recommendations on maintaining, saving, and/or growing your money. They analyze and vet thousands of financial services so you can learn how to find the best credit cards, choose a suitable high-yield savings account, pick a reputable brokerage, and so much more. Whether the Simcha you’re planning is large or small, being financially prepared to undertake such an endeavor will not only mean a wonderful celebration, but also a decreased financial burden when everything is said and done.  

Technology has changed so much about bar/bat mitzvah planning for the better and it’s done the same for weddings. Personalized wedding websites have dozens of features that weren’t even dreamed of when I got married twenty years ago. The Jewish people will continue to celebrate life-cycle events like mitzvahs and weddings, as we have for generations, but thanks to the Digital Age, we’ll be doing it easier and in a more organized way.

This article originally appeared in the Detroit Jewish News. Rabbi Jason Miller is a local entrepreneur and educator. He is president of Access Technology in West Bloomfield and officiates at weddings and bar/bat mitzvahs. Visit his websites at www.mitzvahrabbi.com and www.rabbiforweddings.com.

Ginnifer Goodwin's Missing Wedding Ketubah

As I reflect on my first ten years of being a rabbi (it's amazing how time flies), I have to put wedding officiation at the top of my list of favorite things to do. In fact, I consider wedding officiation as more of a perk of being a rabbi rather than a task. Standing with couples under their wedding chuppah as they begin their married life together is truly a highlight of my rabbinate.

As an art lover I also enjoy seeing the beautiful ketubah (wedding contract) that a couple selects. These ketubahs are usually the first major art purchase a young couple makes and they hang with pride in the couple's home. Before affixing my signature to the ketubah I always take a few moments to look at the creative design, which tells me quite a bit about the couple.

Actress Ginnifer Goodwin explains what a wedding ketubah is on Jimmy Kimmel Live

Last week the ketubah went mainstream with more than just a passing mention on national TV in a video clip that is going viral. Ginnifer Goodwin, the actress known mostly for her role on HBO's former series "Big Love," appeared on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" on Wednesday night. Goodwin, the Jewish actress from Memphis who was a member of the Jewish teen youth groups BBYO and NFTY, was asked by Jimmy Kimmel if she's Jewish. Goodwin, who last year explained that she only recently reconnected with her Jewish faith, explained that she is Jewish (her mother's Jewish, but not her father) and that her husband Josh Dallas is not Jewish. The couple stars together in the TV show "Once Upon a Time." The pregnant Goodwin told a very funny story about how her wedding ketubah went missing the day of the couple's wedding two weeks earlier on April 12, 2014.

Goodwin explained that her wedding planner called her crying on the morning of the wedding saying that her car has been robbed. "What could be in the car that actually would matter?" Goodwin recalls thinking. The wedding planner told her that the ketubah was missing and she started making phone calls to Israel.

Hashtag on a Wedding Kippah

Reform Jewish wedding, Conservative Jewish wedding or Orthodox Jewish wedding... they all have one thing in common -- the personalized yarmulke. It's impossible to go to a Jewish wedding and not receive a keepsake kippah with the bride and groom's names imprinted on the inside along with the wedding date.

Well, these personalized kippot have been fairly standard for a very long time. Some Jewish wedding couples choose to include the Hebrew date of the wedding along with the secular date and some couples have their names printed in Hebrew as well.

For the first time I saw a couple include a hashtag on the inside of their wedding kippahs. Hashtags are used on social media sites such as Twitter and Facebook. Hashtags are a word or phrase preceded by a hash or pound sign (#) that are used to identify messages on a specific topic making it easy to search. Oftentimes at conventions, conferences, events and sports games a hashtag is recommended so users can follow the related posts.

Brian Stelter and Jamie Shupak's wedding kippah with the #thestelters hashtag

Hasidic Dancing in Interstate Traffic

A group of Hasidic students (bachurim) from Michigan were caught simcha dancing on Interstate I-80 during a four-hour traffic standstill over three years ago. However, the news report with a short video clip is once again making the rounds on the Web.

Most likely this fun video has found new life following the many snow-related traffic issues around the country, most notably the traffic standstill in Atlanta which Jon Stewart dubbed "South Parked" on The Daily Show.

Watching this video reminded me of R.E.M.'s great video for "Everybody Hurts," in which the band is stuck in a traffic jam along the double deck portions of I-10 near the I-35 Interchange in Downtown San Antonio, Texas. The music video shows the people in other cars while subtitles of their thoughts appear on screen. At the end of the video directed by Jake Scott, all the people leave their cars and walk instead; then they vanish. The video was heavily inspired by the traffic jam in the opening dream sequence of Fellini's 8½. Instead of getting out and just walking around, these five young guys turned up the music and started dancing like they were at a freilich (fun) wedding.

I was also reminded of the time as a pre-teen when my family was driving back from Toronto and a two-hour standstill ensued on the highway. My brother and I took our baseball mitts and a baseball out of the car and started playing catch on the side of the highway. The moral of the story is that highway standstills are horrible, but you have to make the best out of the situation.

Here's the video of the I-80 dancing.

Pew Study and the JDate Effect on Intermarriage

While many Jewish leaders have been bemoaning the results of the 200-plus page report from the Pew Research Center about the current state of Jewish Americans, I have been trying to extract some positive from the numbers. Of course, like any study, the numbers don't tell the whole story. Anecdotal information is a much better guide to measure the health of the Jewish community.

Just looking at the numbers and the graphs of the recently released Pew Research study as it relates to intermarriage is alarming. However, the statistics really aren't too surprising when put in the context of the ever-changing community in which we live. What is noteworthy, however, is that on the intermarriage grid within the study from 1999 going forward, the intermarriage rate actually tapered off. Iit's interesting how that's right around the time when JDate.com really caught on among Jewish singles.

Wedding Websites and Apps Are New Buzz

Couples about to be married can add  a "Wedsite" to their pre-wedding to-do list. Not too long ago wedding guests had to make a phone call to inquire where the couple was registered for gifts. They didn’t know much about what to expect at the wedding. And they likely had to wait for the rabbi to speak under the chuppah to learn how the happy couple had met.

Today, it’s become standard operating procedure for couples to publish a website in the months leading up to the wedding. These websites — also known as “wedsites” — started off as basic one-page sites on the Web that included a few photos of the couple, the wedding date and location, and a guest book. Fast forward to 2013 and many couples now set up interactive sites complete with multimedia slideshows and videos, meet the bridal party pages, shopping portals to the gift registry, video clips of the band at past weddings, and surveys about what songs the guests want to hear.