Sunday, July 11, 2010

Why Chelsea Clinton's Wedding Matters & the Celebrity Double-Standard

I'm hesitant to write about Chelsea Clinton's upcoming wedding to Marc Mezvinsky, who was raised in Conservative Judaism, because I want to respect the private lives of the bride and groom. However, when the bride is the daughter of the 40th President of the United States, I suppose she is classified as a celebrity and her wedding is fair game as a topic for discussion.



This marriage will spark conversation in the Jewish world about two main issues: How intermarriage affects the Jewish community; and, whether there is a double-standard in the Jewish community when it comes to the intermarrying ways of celebrities.

David Gibson, in his article in Politics Daily, brings to light the key points surrounding this wedding. The question of whether Chelsea Clinton will convert to Judaism is something that Jews wonder (from Jews who are vehemently against intermarriage and those who are accepting of it). This high-profile wedding will bring many of the implications of intermarriage to a more public forum, forcing the conversation about, among other things:
  1. whether a rabbi should officiate at an interfaith wedding;
  2. whether intermarriage really erodes Jewish continuity;
  3. whether a non-Jewish mother can raise Jewish children;
  4. whether conversion for the sake of marriage is genuine enough to count; and,
  5. whether there's a double-standard in the Jewish community when a high profile person marries outside of the faith.
Gibson quotes my colleague, Conservative Rabbi David Wolpe, who claims it's his dream that Chelsea Clinton will convert to Judaism. Gibson also read the ongoing conversation at the InterfaithFamily.com website about Chelsea's upcoming wedding.

In a lively discussion at the InterfaithFamily.com website, one commenter said that even if Chelsea does not convert, a rabbi should take part in the wedding "if the couple agrees to raise the children Jewish." Another, however, cautioned that "this cannot be a Jewish wedding -- a Jewish wedding is one where both people are Jewish, either by birth or by choice." And yet another commenter gave what is perhaps a more characteristic answer: "I believe that Chelsea and her fiancé should do whatever will make them happiest."

In real life, of course, questions about the role of religion often animate wedding planning, given that so many young people feel freed from old prohibitions against marrying outside the faith, if indeed they adhere to the religion of their parents or any religion at all.

Last month I was quoted in a Detroit Free Press article about interfaith marriage ("Do Interfaith Marriages Threaten Jewish Identity?") and then took part as a panelist in a Free Press online chat on the subject.

After taking part in the online chat with Edmund Case, the CEO of InterfaithFamily.com, and an intermarried couple, I can only conclude that this is a very challenging issue because people's lives, and children, and feelings of love and affection are in conflict with thousands of years of tribal law. It's really about clubs and who can join and who can't and who decides the rules.

Regarding the Gibson article in Politics Daily, my teacher Rabbi Irwin Kula comments, "This is great article for studying just about every pathology in American Jewish life... an entire article on intermarriage and Jewish weddings all about its threat and not one sentence on the possible meaning of the ritual that might actually create meaning and value. It’s chuppah/Jewish wedding as tribal marker and intermarriage as either threat to the tribe or grudging opportunity to increase numbers. Why should Chelsea convert? To make sure we don’t lose her kids to our tribe so worried about our size!"

Some interesting questions surrounding the Chelsea Clinton wedding should make this even more interesting:

  • The wedding will take place on Shabbat (July 31, 2010), so how will this affect whether observant Jewish (shomer Shabbat) guests will attend. Even if they stay within walking distance of the Astor mansion, according to Jewish law weddings are not to take place on the Jewish Sabbath.
  • If Chelsea does convert before the wedding, will her conversion be disputed publicly by the Orthodox who will claim that a Conservative (or Reform) conversion isn't "kosher." And, many will question her commitment to Judaism -- didn't she do this only for the sake of marriage and how much preparation and deliberation did she put into this?
  • If Chelsea doesn't convert, how many of the Bill and Hillary's Orthodox friends will attend the wedding anyway? Will their attendance at an interfaith wedding (and on Shabbat to boot) signify an endorsement? And what about Conservative rabbis who are technically not supposed to attend interfaith weddings? Will some make an exception for such notable nuptials?
  • Finally, might this high-profile interfaith wedding turn the tides and lead to greater acceptance and sensitivity toward interfaith marriage? After all, as Gibson writes, "The main body of Conservative Judaism [CJLS] voted to allow interfaith families to be buried in Jewish cemeteries, and in March, the Jewish Theological Seminary of America hosted a two-day workshop "sensitizing" students to "issues of intermarriage and changing demographics." There is even talk of allowing Conservative rabbis to attend the interfaith weddings of friends -- and this just four years after the movement adopted an official policy emphasizing the importance of converting a non-Jewish spouse.
Chelsea Clinton's wedding is sure to grab headlines because of the main actors and the supporting cast, but in the Jewish world this wedding might just be an interfaith "game changer" in the hearts and minds of the Jewish people.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Rabbi Jason, Over the years through experiencce with family that married within the Jewish faith I have come to believe that while it is probably better to marry within your faith it does not always make it the right way. Yes, your beliefs are similiar if not exactly the same and the path for raising children is easier. The religion goes on. But after living through a divorce within the family I do not necessarily believe that marrying a jewish person is top on my list for my children. What I do think is important is that my children (or any person for that matter) find a person that loves, respects, cares for and treats my child (and anyother person) the way I have all through their growing years. Whoever Chelsa Clinton marries or any other celebrity does not effect my life one bit and I could care less. I think that we know that many nonJewish men and woman are perfectly capable and have done a fine job of raising their children to be fine Jewish adults. I have found that all Jewish children find their religion again once they are married and starting their own families. There are Jewish marriages that have not been able to raise their children to carry on their religious beliefs. I would hope that any person that is marrying today will find a person that loves them, and treats them with the respects and kindness and compassion that every person deserves whether they are Jewish, Catholic, Christian, Muslim, etc, because then the world would be a better place.

Cindy Wolf said...

I read your article regarding Chelsea's upcoming marriage. I hope that the young man that she is marrying will love, and honor her and treat her with the respect that she deserves. I hope that Chelsea realizes that a marriage is based on trust and love and respect, and that she does not use her father as a role model. We all know that marrying within your faith makes your future together easier, but it's not the end all. We all have seen same faith marriages fail and interfaith marriages work. Converting to Judaism does not make a better partner or make you a better parent for raising a Jewish child. there are some lousy Jewish parents out there!!

Whether someone is a celebrity or not is not important, most of us do not look to them for lessons in life or how to raise our children our how to be the best we can be. We all want our children to find a life partner, soulmate that will love us and treat us with the same respect and trust and compassion we have instilled in them while growing up. Yes, we would like our children to find someone within our same faith, but I have come to learn that how we treat each other in our relationships is more important, other things can be worked out along the way. If we all treated each other with respect, compassion, understanding, honesty and trust no matter what faith then maybe this world would be a better place in which we could all live.

The last few years have taught me alot. I saw someone very close to me divorce, it was a same faith marriage. I have lost a very dear dear friend and have not yet recovered from that, and you know that marriage work well. The children from both of these relationships were raised Jewish and have all grown up to be good people. Isn't that what is most important, what kind of people we end up being? I have learned to put so many things in perspective. My children's happiness is important, their future in this world is important. How the world treats them is important. Somehow after all the years of torment we have survived and we will continue to survive whether there is intefaith marriage or not.

Dr.Lois Wasserman said...

Intermarriage, whether it involves observant Jews and observant Christians is a dilemma or can be a dilemma. On the other hand, two Jewish people who marry-one is deeply steeped in his religion-speaks Hebrew fluently,loves Israel;the other does not have these characteristics love each other,but come from different economic backgrounds, in my opinion is intermarriage. How many Jewish people practise Judaism? How many practise responsibility for one another? Caring?
Marriage itself is serious and involves respect,compromise. Intermarriage has the possible conflict of religious views:holidays: Christmas and Chanukah.

Lois Wasserman, Ph.D said...

I would like to leave a more personal note to Rabbi Miller's blog.
I agree with the rabbi that it is less problematic if both husband and wife have one religion. I also believe that divorce occurs in same religion marriage. There are other factors that contribute to a good marriage or an unhappy one.I know from personal experience, as I come from an Orthodox Jewish background, low income, highly educated in secular and religious studies. My husband came from a very rich(financially) background. This mixture did not work as his family wanted their son to marry into upper middle class or upper class background. It is sad that one partner has no clue as to how the other half live-even if the wife has had an excellent Hebrew-Jewish culture education,but struggled financially.
I do wish the couple good luck and happiness; I would like to see Chelsea Clinton convert to Judaism. She is a lovely person.

Anonymous said...

If, either of them is extremely
fanatical in his/her religious faith,
personal problems may take place. If they love
each other, above their religious
affiliation, things can go smoothly. Religion is a strong
force in our personal lives and
it can flare up in the marriage
relationships.

Anonymous said...

If, either of them is extremely
fanatical in his/her religious faith,
personal problems may take place. If they love
each other, above their religious
affiliation, things can go smoothly. Religion is a strong
force in our personal lives and
it can flare up in the marriage
relationships.

Anonymous said...

Many of your points are valid Rabbi Jason, we must remember this was a decision made by the couple and they must have loved each others unique faith - after all this is part of their character make-up. Their faiths are not a million miles apart and share much common history. What will be of interest to the wider public is the type of relationship advice they can share with other couple's in the same situation.